Random..

“It takes a minute to like someone, and hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time.”

“Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult”

“Don’t Cry Over Someone That Won’t Cry Over You”
“No Guy Is Worth Your Tears & When You Find
The One That Is He Won’t Make You Cry”

“The hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go, and knowing when to say goodbye.”

“I had a dream and it was about you …  I smiled and recalled the memories we had …  then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes … you know why?  Cause in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye …”

The harshest space in the world is the distance between

you and someone you used to touch without hesitation.”

“Color me blue.. I’m lost in you.. “

“Can you take my sad song and make it better?”

“But before you let go,.. Remember the reason why you were hanging on”

“I knew in that moment.. That I had.. Somehow.. Became the stranger”

“Giving up hurts the most“

“But it only rains the hardest on the ones who deserve the sun”

“Truth is.. You were the first person to make me feel .. beautiful..”

Confessions IV

I’m writing this one because.. Well,.. The thing is..

I fell ok? Off the stairs and bleeded a lil.. It hurt a lot and I had a nasty cut. But who would care?..

That’s when I asked myself for the first time ever since it happened.. Is it really worth it?

Why am I doing this still? Why do I always end up doing the same things that got me in trouble in the first place?..

Instead of keep trying to fix my relationship with them, why don’t I just stop ruining it?

I learned few things in life..

Now I’m not that old and I’m nothing of a wise girl.. But life had a twisted sick means of education with me.

A) For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction

Newton’s third law of motion.. God knows I’ve always hated Newton.

So when we act, someone will react.. That’s, of couse, only if they found out.

And there’s also that pretty lil, And sadly limited,  thing called forgiveness.

Ever thought of what will happen when you run out of it?

B) As a human, I’m a slave of my desires.

Of what I want. Not what I need.

I wanted to be loved, So everything else was second.. My studies, My job, My future, My family, My father… My father.. My father..

Let me tell you a lil about my father, He.. Well, How should I put this..

Let’s just say that the most super fun and interesting things I’ve ever done in my life, I did them with my father..

Now he might not be a secret agent, a celeberty or a secretly super powered guy..

But he’s just awesome.. ok?

He taught me how to put pieces of a gun together and load it.. He got me a complete military outfit even tho it made mom  go crazy, yelling SHE’S A GURRRLLL!! But he did it anyways cause he knew I loved army prints.

And he was the only one to ride a roller coaster with me.. And rode it again.. And again… Even tho it made him sick and throwing up.. Only cause I wanted to..

When I was in college, he’d say “Here’s my doctor” evertime he sees me getting downstairs in my uniform in the morning..

And when I ask for something.. He’d say  ”But it’s not necessary and I don’t have time and .. and …”

But he would always come back with what I asked for in the evening..

Then he smiles and says “It hurts to say no to you”..

He used to talk in british accent just to annoy me..

I can keep writing about him forever.. But buttom line is.. He rocks..

C) Nothing at all hurts more than seeing a disappointment look on you’re dad’s eyes.

No heartbreak.. No lost love.. No nothing..

Confession:

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.. But I’ve never regretted them.. Because they all helped me becoming the person I am..

But the only thing I regret is losing the one that loves me the most. And if I ever got him back. I would never do anything that wouldn’t make him smile.. And I will make him proud.

If he’d ever read this. I want him to know that I love him.. And I’ll make up for what I did even if i spent my whole life trying.

Confessions III

In the past few weeks, my idea of a home has changed dramatically.. My idea of a family has changed as well.

Is it true what they say, that your family are the only ones who’d love you unconditionally? Do all families love unconditionally? What about those who abuse? Do they love? Unconditionally?

Confession:
Whenever I meet a friend that I know they’d love me no matter what.. I call them my brother or my sister.. Because for me.. They are my family..

We all make mistakes.. We lie.. We disobey.. And we do things we’re not suppose to do.. We break the rules and we make our own.. And we learn from our mistakes..
But we never think that a day will come when our mistakes are no longer forgiven.. And that unconditional love will reach it’s limits..
They say there’s a fine line between absolute love and absolute hate..

Confession:
when I made my mistake.. I was drowned in guilt that I forced myself to tolerate all consequence.. All outcomes.. Til I realized,
When punishment is greater than the sin.. When love turns into pure hate.. We just can’t blame ourselves anymore..

” So we fight.. Throw the hurt.. And we cry and cry….
And we live.. And we learn.. And we try and try…. “

Dreams..

Dreams..

A world with no rules.. No sense.. But still controlled by our own.

A world we run to.. But we still wake up to the painful reality each and every time.

It all starts with one hunting thought.. And it is as beautiful as it is frightening.. One image.. Right before us.. And the more we follow it, the deeper we fall in that unexplainable world.

People believe that we dream when we sleep.. Well, that’s true.. But I think we sleep when we dream as well..

How many times did we find ourselves asleep when we deeply think about a certain thought?

Maybe the absence of our own thinking is what triggers them..

Or maybe they shut down our brains so that they can manipulate our thoughts quietly..

Maybe they’re what’s keeping us alive.. Our dreams.. Our beliefs.. Our faith..

Or maybe they’re what’s leading us to our own end..

All I know is… I love falling asleep.. I love being lost in my dreams.. And I love how my dreams can put me to sleep..

If only I don’t wake up with Dr.2th staring at me :/

Ne-yo – She got her own

This just HAD to be posted *i feel ya now wackoness*

Ne-yo’s new track..

who knows me knows that Ne-yo’s “Miss independant” is my absolute favorite when it comes to lyrics.. It’s just tooo amazing..

And yea it makes me giggle cause I look at myself as an independant woman.. a lil too independant x| but well… :p

And I literally did the happy dance when I heard Miss independant part II “she got her own”..

Ohhh Ne-yo.. can you get any... *faints*

Keep topping yourself.. :’)

I love her cause she got her own
She don’t need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain’t nothing in this world sexy
Than a girl that want but don’t need me
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can tell from the way that she walk
She don’t slow down cause she ain’t got time
To be complaining, shawty gon shine
She don’t expect nothing from no guy
She plays agressive, but she still shy
But you never know her softer side
By lookin in her eyes
No way she can do for herself
Makes me wanna give her my world

Only kinda girl I want
Independent queen workin for her throne
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
It’s cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
It’s cool I got it, I got it, I got it

[Ne-Yo]

I love it cause she got her own
She don’t need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain’t nothin that’s more sexy
Than a girl that want, but don’t need me
Lovely face
Nice thick thighs
Plus she got drive that matches my drive
Sexy Thang
She’s mcfly
All the while payin the bills on time
She don’t look at me like Captain Save Em
Gold Diggin, no she don’t do that
Now she lookin me like inspiration
She wanna be complimentin my swag
And everything she got,
She work for it,
Good life made for it
She take pride in sayin
That she paid for it

Only kind of girl I want
Independent queen workin for her throne
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
It’s cool I got it, I got it, I got it
She say
Uh Uh, I got it, I got it, I got it

[Fabolous]

Don’t make me laugh boo
Never did that bad too
Make you even have to
But even if I had to
Ask my better half to
You be more than glad to
When I do that math boo
You always try to add two
I need someone who’d ride for me
Not someone who’d ride for free
She said boy I don’t just ride,
She’ll pull up beside of me
I had to ask her
What she doin in that caddy
She said cause you my baby
I’d be stuntin like my daddy
And there’s not many, who catch my eye
We both wearing gucci, she match my fly
And that’s why I, Suppose to keep her closer
Right by the side, toast and to host her
And that she went low so, cause you didn’t know so
You can save your money dawg shawty getting dough so
What she care wit his cars, you can call her miss boss
I got it backwards, criss cross, shawty got her own

Got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
It’s cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
Uh Uh, I got it, I got it, I got it

It IZ kinda Fon! XD

Cluttered feelings..

Before I start I must say, I’m trying so hard not to snap here ok?

I’ve been in pressure these few days more than any other time…. Ok that’s not quite true! Been there, Done that..

I’ve been in huge pressure and that’s that!

 

Ok I kinda knew that things gonna be hard, but this is too much!

I’ll try to ignore the fact that my family ditched me last night for McDonald’s .. And didn’t have the courtesy to atlease TELL me so I won’t bother making dinner.. NO.. They totally ignored the maid here.. (No offense Anna)..

Such family I have… Makes my heart melt!

 

I don’t think I ever stood up and yelled FML!!

NO.. Somehow I managed to hold up from doing that.. well, til today atleast!!

 

Frustration, Yeah.. Furstration is the feeling you feel when you stay in kitchen AND try so hard to keep minors from killing each other and then the phone rings and it’s your Dad asking you if you made dinner already and you say Yes and he goes “Oh I was gonna bring KFC” and you’re sister WHO IS OVER FIVE YEARS YOUNGER calls you a selfish bitch and peopl start wishing you would die and you feel like crying but you have no time to cry because Dad is coming anytime and kids are trying to kill each other and sweet angels are fucking up the house in the process and Dad comes and sees the house in a mess and yells at who?? ME!!

 

Yep, That’s how frustration feels like..

 

Mobily..

Mobily is the most fucked up network I ever heard of!!

And if any of you Mobilyers Disagrees… I hope you get lost in the middle of the desert with no food, no water, totally alone.. with the AMAZING mobily coverage!!

 

I’m the most Loyal mobilyer ya’ll

 I’ve been with the suns of bitches for FIVE CURSED YEARS!! and this is what I get??? Fucking bastards ropping me??!!

 

From today onwards I’m a Zainer… Fuck you Mobily.. Fuck my cursed luck when I got your SIM card you lame ass sisseys!!

 

Yeah, you all get the Idea that I AM MAD.. well, MAYBE because I spent the rest of my money for Augest in a lame attept to make a long distant call..

 

 

And May God help me if Anna screemed ONE MORE TIME whenever doorbell rings I’ll make Elizabith Bathory look like an amature!!

 

 

So should I yell FML!!  now??
I think I’ll keep it for tomorrow!!

Good bless ya’ll, Good night, Have nightmares..

The Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary

Few weeks ago,

I saw this movie Stay Alive.. And was Fascinated by The story of Elizabith Bathory..

I was reading about her alot lately..

To my surprise, she was real.

And STILL the most brutal female murderer so far! Even tho she died 395 years ago!

 

This is the full Elizabith Bathory story, enjoy!

 

 Born, August 7, 1560. Born in 1560 to George Bathory and Anna Bathory.

 

Raymond T. McNally, who has written four books on the figure of Dracula in history, literature, and vampirism, in his fifth book, “Dracula was a Woman,” presents insights into the fact that Stoker’s Count Dracula was also strongly influenced by the legends of Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary.

 

For example Vlad was Romanian and Dracula was Hungarian like Bathory. Vlad the impaler was never even rumored to have drunk human blood while Elizabeth not only drank blood but was also reported to have bathed in the Blood of virgins to keep her youth.

  

The Bathory family was “one of the richest and most powerful Protestant families in all Hungary. Her family was to provide two of the most important ruling princes of Transylvania, Stephan Bathory, prince of Transylvania and king of Poland. Elizabeth’s other interesting relatives included: An uncle supposedly “addicted to rituals and worship in honor of Satan, her aunt Klara was a well-known bi-sexual and lesbian who enjoyed torturing servants, and Elizabeth’s brother, Stephan, who was a drunkard and a lecher.

 

 At the age of sixteen, Ferenc Nadasdy was engaged to Elizabeth, then eleven, in 1571 thanks to the careful manipulations of his mother. Ferenc married Elizabeth on May 8, 1575.
Ferenc was a warrior and so was not often around, leaving Elizabeth at Castle Sarvar managing the family seat, “especially the task of disciplining the servants. The countess carried her ‘disciplining’ to a point that would be considered sadism today”. Beating the girl servants with a heavy club was the least of her “punishments,” according to accounts. Often she would stick “pins into the upper and lower lips of the girls…into the girls’ flesh and… under their fingernails”. One particularly harsh “punishment” would be to drag girls out into the snow where she or her women servants poured cold water on them until they froze to death.

 

Among the things Elizabeth did to amuse herself while Ferenc was away at war was to “visit her aunt Klara, an open bisexual. Wealthy and powerful, Klara always had plenty of available girls around. Elizabeth presumably enjoyed herself with her aunt Klara, since she visited her aunt’s estate frequently”.

 

In the Countess’s service, as helpers in the macabre, was her manservant referred to only as Ficzko (which means “lad ” in Hungarian), Helena Jo the wet nurse, Dorothea Szentes (also called “Dorka”), and Katarina Beneczky a washerwoman who came into the Countess’s employ late in her bloody career. Also, between the years of 1604 and 1610 a mysterious woman named Anna Darvulia, who was probably a lover of Elizabeth’s, who taught her many new torturing techniques and was “one of the most active sadists in Elizabeth’s entourage”. After a severe stroke that left her blind, Darvulia left her work to Elizabeth, Helena Jo, and Dorka, content that she had taught them well.

 

With the death of Elizabeth’s dear Darvulia, when Elizabeth was in her forties, she became more reckless.

 

Elizabeth started picking girls from some of the surrounding lower nobility. Feeling lonely, the Countess turned to the widow of a tenant farmer from the nearby town of Miava. The woman’s name was Erzsi Majorova. Apparently, it was Erszi Majorova who “encouraged Elizabeth to go after girls of noble birth as well as peasants“.

One accomplice testified that on some days Elizabeth had stark- naked girls laid flat on the floor of her bedroom and tortured them so much that one could scoop up the blood by the pailfull afterwards, and so Elizabeth had her servants bring up cinders in order to cover the pools of blood. A young maid-servant who did not endure the tortures well and died very quickly was written out by the countess in her diary with the laconic comment “She was too small,”…

 

She demanded that one of her female servants be brought before her. Dorothea Szentes, a burly, strong peasant woman, dragged one of Elizabeth’s girls to her bedside and held her there. Elizabeth rose up on her bed, and, like a bulldog, the Countess opened her mouth and bit the girl first on the cheek. Then she went for the girl’s shoulders where she ripped out a piece of flesh with her teeth. After that, Elizabeth proceeded to bite the girl’s breasts.

The trials on January 2 and 7 of 1611 were largely for show and to make the occasion “official.” At the proceedings, the testimonies of her four accomplices, Ficzko, Dorka, Katarina Beneczky, and Helena Jo (Erzsi Majorova was tried much later because she could not be found) were taken and their sentences pronounced. It is somewhat important to mention here that the testimonies of the four placed the body count between thirty and sixty, but a fifth witness heard at the January 7th trial revealed the missing piece of the puzzle: testimony from a witness identified only as “the maiden Zusanna,” no last name being mentioned. After describing the tortures by Helena Jo, Dorothea, and Ficzko…and after making a plea for mercy in the case of Katarina Beneczky, Zusanna then revealed the single most shocking piece of evidence in this trial… a list or register in the Countess’s chest of drawers, which put the number of girls killed at 650 and that was in her Ladyship’s own handwriting.

First of all, Helena Jo and secondly Dorothea Szentes, the so- called foremost perpetrators of such great crime, were sentenced to having all their fingers on their hands, which they had used as instruments in so much torture and butcherings and which they had dipped in the blood of Christians, torn out by the public executioner with a pair of red-hot pincers; and after that their bodies should be thrown alive on the fire. Because of his youthful age and complicity in fewer crimes, Ficzko was only to be decapitated. After that his body, drained of blood, was to be reunited with his two fellow accomplices and burned… Only Katarina Beneczky escaped the death sentence. Later on January 24, 1611… Erzsi Majorova… was also found guilty and executed.

Elizabeth was never convicted of anything, and remained for the rest of her life walled up inside of her room, under “Castle Arrest”.

 

In August of the year 1614 one of the countess’s jailers wanted to get a good look at her, since she was still reputedly one of the most beautiful women in Hungary. Peeking through the small hole in her walled-up cell, he saw her lying face down on the floor. Countess Elizabeth Bathory was dead at the age of fifty-four.

 

How About That!

LOL this is what I call S.M.A.R.T!!

AWESOMENESS DAMN IT!!

One Last Chance..

This track totally captured my heart about a year or more ago..

The thing is.. I only saw it once.. And I was so cought up by it..

By the end of it.. I tried to remember the track’s name.. The artist’s name.. Any of the lyrics.. NONE! couldn’t remeber..

 

Few weeks ago I posted about Love Is Hard by – James Morrison..

And while listening to it.. I recognized the voice.. Yes it was the same artist!

I was happy but.. Which song? He must had HUNDREDS!

So I litteraly started searching in a list of his songs in the past three years.. I thought I’d feel something when I see it’s name!

AND HELL YES I DID!!